Grace or Grit?
When “giving yourself grace” helps… and when it quietly holds you back
I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “giving yourself grace.”
It’s one of those concepts that sounds right. Feels right. And often comes from a good place.
Slow down. Be kind to yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
All of that matters.
But the more I’ve reflected on it, the more I think this idea deserves a little more nuance. Because sometimes, giving yourself grace can lead to the exact opposite of what you actually need.
When Grace Turns Into Drift
In most cases, from a health standpoint, giving yourself grace means easing off the gas.
Skipping workouts. Letting nutrition slide. Going to bed later. Dropping routines that normally keep you grounded.
And in certain seasons, that makes sense.
But here’s where I’ve started to shift my mindset on grace. It’s when that “grace” becomes open-ended that it can quietly turn into a new pattern. This is the extended grace that I’ve become weary of.
One missed workout turns into a week. One off day turns into a month. One break from structure turns into a loss of momentum.
Behavioral science is pretty clear on this. Habits are built through repetition, but they’re also lost the same way. Small breaks, repeated often enough, can become the new baseline.
So what started as compassion can slowly turn into drift. And drift makes it much easier to regain momentum and consistency.
The Paradox of Tough Seasons
Here’s where things get interesting. The more I thought about this concept, the more I kept coming back to a paradox.
The times when we’re most likely to give ourselves grace… are often the times we need our habits the most.
Think about it. Stress. Busy schedules. Life transitions. Uncertainty.
These are the exact moments where movement, sleep, nutrition, and routine act as anchors.
Not obligations. But anchors.
We know that exercise improves mood and stress resilience. Sleep regulates emotional control and decision-making. Nutrition supports energy and cognitive function. Mindfulness practice can reduce stress and improve well-being.
So when life gets chaotic, removing these behaviors often makes things harder, not easier.
We are essentially removing the antidote to navigating these tough seasons.
A Conversation That Changed My Perspective
This all actually came from a conversation with someone I was coaching.
She was a mom of three, pregnant with her fourth, working a demanding job. Life was full (to say the least). Overwhelming at times.
She was frustrated that she wasn’t exercising more and eating the way she wanted to. So, naturally, I told her to give herself some grace. She was shouldering a lot, so I figured she didn’t need to add guilt on top of that.
But surprisingly, she pushed back.
She said, “Kyle, trust me, I’ve been doing that. And honestly, it’s made it harder to get back on track. I don’t think I need more grace right now. I need more grit.”
It was one of those coaching moments where you learn more than the person you are trying to coach. It really stuck with me.
She wasn’t being hard on herself. She was being honest about what actually helped her feel better.
She mentioned that she felt more like herself when she exercised. She had more agency in her health and her life.
So we mapped out a plan to help her find herself again, through healthy, consistent behaviors that showed her she was capable, strong, and resilient.
Grace vs. Grit. It’s Not Either/Or
Now, I think it’s important to note that this isn’t about eliminating grace.
It’s about applying it intentionally. Grace should be:
Time-bound. A pause, not a new lifestyle
Purposeful. Used to recover, not avoid
Aligned. Supporting your values, not drifting from them
And sometimes, grace doesn’t mean doing less. Sometimes it means adjusting the standard, not abandoning it.
A shorter workout instead of none. A simple meal instead of takeout every night. An earlier bedtime, even if it’s not perfect.
This is where grit comes in. The power to adapt. To persevere when things are going your way.
Not extreme discipline. Not perfection. Not totally optimized. Just the willingness to keep showing up, even in a modified way.
A Better Question to Ask
Next time you think, “I should give myself grace,” pause and ask:
What actually helps me feel better right now?
Is it removing structure? Or is it keeping a small piece of it?
Is it sticking to habits or deviating from them?
Is it grace or grit that I need right now?
Because as we just learned, often, the things we’re tempted to drop…are the exact things that help us steady the ship.
Takeaways
Grace is powerful, but too much can create unintended patterns
Habits don’t just build momentum. They lose it too
Stressful seasons increase the value of foundational behaviors
Adjust the standard instead of abandoning it completely
Use grace intentionally, not as an open-ended escape
Sometimes what you need most is not less effort, but a different kind of effort
I’ll leave you with this. Life will always be busy. Messy. Unpredictable.
So the goal isn’t to wait for the right moment.
It’s to find a way to keep showing up within the moment you’re in.
Grace when you need it. Grit when it counts.
And the awareness to know the difference.